Tantrums

Q. My 2 ½ year old has temper tantrums. We were going to go to visit my mother. Freddy was playing with his trucks and didn’t want to leave. I gave in just to end the screaming, and I let him play longer. I know I shouldn’t have, but I don’t know how to end the tantrums. What should I be doing?


Frazzled

A.Dear Frazzled,

First, let’s look at what contributes to tantrums.

1. Lack of adequate sleep
2. Hunger
3. Lack of limits
4. Lack of order
4. Theory of the mind
5. Successful tantrums
Sleep - Be sure your child receives enough sleep at night. For two year olds, it’s about 12 hours at night. If you have to wake your child in the morning, she or he is not receiving adequate sleep at night. Naps are for children who are tired after lunch not for children who are tired starting the day. Be sure when you plan things that you take into consideration your child’s schedule.
Hunger - Be sure to feed your child whole foods (an apple) and not sugary processed foods (juice, even those without added sugar are processed and have concentrated amounts of sugar). When children have sugar, their blood sugar levels rise quickly, but also crash quickly. The child then spirals out of control.
Limits - Children need limits and appropriate choices. Preempt the problem by letting your child know when playtime will be over because you’re going to visit grandma. If you know trucks are challenging to draw your child away from, give him an appropriate choice so he can be successful. “We’re going to visit grandma in twenty minutes so you may color or listen to music until it’s time to leave. Which would you like to do?”
Order – Children at this age thrive on order. Have and keep routines, procedures, and schedules the same, and when there will be a change, let the child know in advance. When going somewhere, let your child know the amount of time left. “In ten minutes we’re leaving.” “In five minutes it’s time to pack up.” “It’s time to pack up.” Be firm and consistent in your follow through.
Mind – Children at two recognize they are physically separate from their parents, but they still think that everyone is thinking the same thing they are thinking (theory of the mind). For older siblings, this changes around four. For younger siblings it happens closer to three. If your child starts to fuss about packing up, be understanding. “I understand that you would like to play longer, but it’s time to pack up. Would you like me to help you pack up.” You may have to repeat several times, but always keep calm and use fewer words. “I understand, but it’s time to pack up.” “Pack up.”
Tantrums – Once your child has had a successful tantrum, he or she will try it again and for longer. If you have a feeling something will institute a tantrum, take your sail out of his wind. Leave the room, go into the bathroom and close the door, or step out onto the porch. Once you set your child up for success, are consistent, resist giving in, and respond calmly, the tantrums will diminish.

Remember, it takes five positives to offset one negative.