Hitting

Q.:Now that the children are outdoors more, I notice that my child is hitting other children. I tell her we don’t hit and that it hurts, but it hasn’t stopped her. What’s next?


A.:Children learn conflict resolution the same way they learn to eat, talk, or dress. They need practice and a facilitator – the adult. Children up to the age of four don’t know how to solve problems so they may hit or bite, especially if they are tired, hungry, or over stimulated. Children need to know what to do rather than what not to do.

Be descriptive, give your child appropriate choices, and use positive language when you see her hit. “Suzy, I saw you hit Jimmy. Use words to solve your problem. You could say, ‘Jimmy, I had the ball. Please give it back, or Jimmy, if you want the ball, please ask me for it.’ Which do you want to say to Jimmy?” Notice all the words are positive, she has a choice of what to say, and she has the opportunity to practice a new behavior. Before going on the next adventure, remind her how to handle problems. “Remember to use your words when you have a problem, and if you can’t solve it with words, please ask for help.”

Children learn by example, so be sure that you never hit your child. Keep your child away from aggressive and over stimulating situations including those viewed on a screen. With practice, your child will become a peace keeper.